“It’s a bit of a maze – that’s why I’m escorting you.”
“Yeah, I never would have found this!”

That’s a snippet of conversation Jan had with a visitor just a day after I told Shoff that I’d like to do my next blog entry on our building maze. How’s that for serendipity?

You can’t really get lost upstairs, where I work, because it’s a big open square. Overhead is a massive skylight – maybe 20 feet by 30 feet – comprised of 81 glass panes. We can see everyone except for Mark, whose office is behind a wall covered with weird pieces of art. It has something to do with thinking… or feeling… or some wild creative process based on Zen and feng shui. Under the skylight is the Hole, where we peer down at our coworkers.

The Hole is the only safe place on the first floor. (Well, it’s safe if no one is throwing stuff down at you from upstairs.) From there, it’s a straight shot out the front door. Everywhere else, you can get lost. Even people who’ve been here for two years use a GPS to navigate.

Here’s an example of how hard it is to get from point A to point B: You need to go from the front lobby to our bank vault-turned-copier/mailroom, where you’ll also find various office supplies. You have to turn left, go past Derek and John’s offices, turn left again (past Emily and Darby), make a sharp right, then turn left again and continue on until you see a wall in front of you, then turn right into the Vault.

Now, with all that walking, you need to use a restroom. You’re in luck! All you have to do is exit the Vault, turn left, turn left again, then take the second right. If you take the first right, you wind up in the kitchen. If you continue straight, you can go talk to Steph and Barb in the accounting department.

Suppose you have to go to the conference room? That’s easy! Just head toward Al’s office, turn right, go all the way back toward the Vault and instead of going back in there, turn left and go straight. Stop and say hi to Becky, Ian, Ami and Blair. If you keep your eyes open, you’ll see a big glass conference table on your left. If you keep going, however, you will enter another dimension (Jennie and Jan’s office) and must fast for three days if you wish to leave there to get to the lobby, where comfy chairs beckon.

Even with a building map, it’s still easy to get lost here. The squirrel that visited us the other day wasn’t shoved out – it was fleeing in terror. After all, mazes are for mice.